First things first - I am getting sick and tired of spammers using my comments to place their loan ads -- how do I get them to stop? seriously?? Do they even bother reading what they're commenting to?
Today has been one of *those* days again. I haven't figured out yet if I'm just an uberpessimist or if I really see the world more dark than light or what. I *know* there are great things happening in my life - both personally and professionally but for some reason, only the darkness catches my focus. It's like the good things happen for only a moment but the bad things linger. I have a beautiful son who is really a very good kid - smart, attentive, kindhearted - all the things a mom wants her son to be and I find myself sad because I can't seem to have another one. I've gotten a fair number of acceptances this year but the rejections have been far more numerous - never mind that quite a number of them came back with some very contructive comments and even a few compliments. I even got my very first fan letter this year. So why do I feel like I'm failing at this... this writing thing? I'm used to feeling like a failure in my normal life - it's been part of my life forever and I am accustomed to ignoring that feeling. I've even adjusted to feeling like a failure as a mother - again - I've learned to ignore it - simply because I know I am not. My baby is doing pretty well so I must be too. Feeling like a failure in the rest of my life - that's new but I know that it too is wrong. My draft work might suck (and it does, believe me) but when the polish and shine is done - I do decent work (even if occasionally upside down). I do know this. Really. I suppose overall, I'm just a bit screwed up...
Posted by Shade53 at November 29, 2005 10:41 PM