So, 27 is not so different than 26 - at least on the first day. Except, this year I'm fatter ;) I suppose in my position that's a good thing - you're supposed to be fat when halfway through your pregnancy. Usually, I detest my birthday - just a day that reminds me too much of my mother - who's been coming up in conversations a lot lately. I don't know, maybe that's changing a bit cause of my kids. The one already here and the one on the way... If not for my birthday, they would not have birthdays - how can I hate a day that holds that much importance? I can't imagine the world without my kids - even the one who's not quite here yet. Maybe that makes me strange but, from the moment the double lines confirmed my pregnancies - they were real to me, wanted, loved - filling me with the kind of hope and wonder that I never thought I'd experience. And I can't begin to describe the moment I first felt each of them move - that first tiny flutter - the beating of tiny wings on the inside of my belly. A voiceless maestro conducting a masterpiece from within me. There has been nothing else in life I've ever experienced that feels like that - that holds that kind of weight. If not for my medical issues, the complications I've had, am having, could possibly have in the future, I think I would spend my whole life pregnant - I love it, even as much as I bitch about it. But, fact is, I'll count myself extremely lucky to have two healthy children - fingers crossed, prayers said, chants whispered, saints consulted... When I go in for this c-section, I'm getting snipped in the process. Maybe that makes this pregnancy all the more full of wonder for me, I'm enjoying it as much as I can, taking note of every change, every flutter, every bit of beauty and joy because this one will be the last one for me. Because I'm not so sure that my body can handle a third - even as much as I want it. I'll have two kids to think about - and I know what its like to lose a mom - I have no right to put myself in a position to do the same to them - at least, not on purpose. I started off venting about my birthday and wound up on kids... shows where my priorities are doesn't it? I'm hoping to get a few pics up sometime soon - of me fat and preggers... I'll only look like this for a little wee while longer so, I may as well take advantage of it. I've a great excuse not to be tiny and skinny.. ;)
~S