Post Partum Depression - My greatest fear - truly. Depression I’m used to - I’ve been dealing with it for years off and on. PPD is much scarier. I can’t imagine ever being so out of control that I could harm my kids. Because of my history, I am vigilant right now about my feelings and my emotions. I do have a touch of the blues right now - but it’s normal I think. My hormones are still completley crazy. I don’t know how long its going to take to balance out. I wish I did. I don’t even know for certain that this isn’t just my usual cycle. I think about this a lot - with all the horror stories I’ve heard - I just can’t imagine anyone letting it slip so far that any harm actually occurs.
Lots of things are bothering me right now. These aren’t necessarily things that don’t normally bother me but maybe it’s exaggerated now. I have a couple of people in my life who now seem to avoid me because I’m a nursing mom. Boobs are fine I guess when they’re attached to naked women in magazines or nearly naked women swinging from poles but put them in context - allow them to fulfill their intended purpose and suddenly its embarrasing?? Please! What a crock! So, I’m a bit upset about that if only because there are only so many people in my life - a very small handful and now I’m two short. It appears that the only people I actually talk to are online. No one to go shopping with - which is why I hate shopping. No one to kibitz on the phone with. No one to chat over coffee with.
And, if I talk to Rob about it - it seems that it would all be fixed if I just ‘made the effort’ which is also a crock but a crock of a different color and for a different night...
So - I use this space to vent some and I can keep track of everything this way...
~S
Posted by Shade53 at August 17, 2006 10:39 PM*Hugs*
PPD is a scary scary thing. I had no idea what to look for after I had my oldest, but looking back on that time in my life, I probably should have gotten some help. At least you are tuned in to your emotions enough that you would seek help if you need it. Good luck.
I never understood the whole "being embarrassed about nursing boobs" thing either. I have a friend who has a son who is almost 9 months old and she says she's relieved to come to my house cuz I don't force her to go another room in order to nurse. I tell her I'm not afraid or embarrassed by boobs, I have two of my own. :P
And, as I also know your pain regarding the lack of people to hang out with, I hereby offer you my phone number if you don't mind calling long distance in order to just chat. It seems like the few friends I have here are my hubby's friends who became my friends after we were married. And he, too, has given the whole "make more of an effort" speech. Yes, it's a load of crock. :P So, if you want my number I'll give it to ya, or we can just continue our conversations online. But, sometimes it is nice to have a voice to talk to rather than a computer monitor. ;)
Hang in there, hon. *hugs*
Posted by: Michelle at August 18, 2006 01:45 PM